Tuesday, 21 March 2017

Self abuse was my sanctuary.

Last night, I experienced an epiphany. one that shook my very core. I covered my mouth and the tears streamed down my face. After decades of trying to find reasons and explanations, surrounding my years of self harm, self hate and self abuse. I suddenly discovered the most profound and yet the most simplistic answer. An answer that even over years of research and counselling had not occurred to me.
As a sufferer of complex PTSD, although I knew I had it, and had some understanding of it.( I had only really read about PTSD, which refers more to a one time traumatic event) not 'complex' PTSD ( chronic or long-term exposure) And this, I had always only considered as 'damage' My brain was broken. But now I see it more as a natural process, a mechanic by which the brain processes and organises a traumatic event. My brain is not broken, it is doing exactly what it is meant to do. It is healing itself.
I consider that during our evolutionary path, we must have at times needed a process like this in order to survive. If a mother lost her child to a lion say. Her brain was going to need to take time to process that event and learn from it. It may well have been beneficial for her to relive the event in her mind. and go over every detail to establish where she went wrong, and to prevent it from happening again.
 But that process being natural, does not make it any less torturous. Just like childbirth is a natural process that one must go through to have a child, it is still extremely painful.
During my recovery, there was a constant underlying feeling of distress, shame, guilt and self blame. I relived the events I had experienced over and over again in my mind. Simple everyday events would trigger overwhelming negative emotions. Memories would resurface out of the blue.
During a traumatic event, the brain tends to shut off. Possibly as a self defence mechanism, or simply because there is too much emotion and feeling for the brain to process at one time. But the brain will begin to process it later, once the trauma has stopped. If I go back to the analogy of a prehistoric mother loosing her child, it would only be once she had escaped to safety, would her brain start to process the event.

In my experience, the symptoms of complex PTSD come on slowly. They start with feelings of dread and self loathing. Then over time develop into flashbacks.
'But if the trauma never stops, the pain wont start'
A child who touches a hot stove. will learn that touching the stove equals pain. And that experience will be hard coded into their brain. Someone who has experienced abuse for a long time, may well develop a subconscious bias towards self abuse as a method of delaying the symptoms of PTSD. Because when the abuse stops, the real pain begins. And in the short term, the trauma may be easier to deal with than the emotional ramifications of the event itself.
For many years after my experiences, I would self harm. Take medicinal and recreational drugs, get intoxicated and be promiscuous. I never wanted a relationship or children. From the age of thirteen, I would regularly go to weekend (or during school holidays) many parties, where older people would drink alcohol and take drugs. I would also drink alcohol and take drugs. During these parties, I would have sex with older men, one I recall was twenty six. I 'Allowed it' I froze and 'I let them'. During weekdays, I would cut myself or 'Erase' away parts of my skin with my school rubber until it weeped. At the time I didn’t understand why I needed to do these things. You could say that I 'chose' that lifestyle. I guess that I did, but in reality, it was a part of my mind that was trying to prevent the onset of PTSD. I was in effect, either numbing myself with drugs and alcohol and also re-enacting my past sexual abuse to ward off the overwhelming pain of actually 'feeling' it.
During my twenties I attempted suicide twice. I hated my life. I hated myself. I never realised that I had been abused, I just thought that I was mentally ill.
At the age of twenty seven, I unexpectedly and shockingly became pregnant. I gave up my lifestyle, I even stopped smoking. I had to be healthy in order to look after this child.
The following year, I gave birth to my daughter. I was absolutely terrified, I didn't want a baby. How could I have a baby when I was so messed up. I never realised that I had been abused, I just thought that I was mentally ill. I didn't know what love meant, so how the hell could I love a baby?
After a few years and many horrendous flashbacks, I reached out for help. I would never of sought any help if I had not had a child, who was now being affected by my behaviour.
Because, reliving all that had happened to me would be the worst thing. Worse than all the abuse that had taken place.
I knew that I would have to experience all of that terror, pain and incredible hurt.
I would have to tell a stranger about all of those disgusting and bad things that I had done.
It was so much easier to suppress it. So much easier to lock all those files into the back of my mind. Where no-one could ever access them.
I knew there could not be anything more painful than reliving all that had happened to me. It would mean that for the first time in my life, I would actually 'feel' everything.
But, I had to do it. Not for me, but for my daughter.
And that was when my most torturous of journeys began.

Although, from time to time I still experience flashbacks, I am now able to manage my complex PTSD in a way that no longer has a profound impact on my life.

It has been a long, painful and difficult path, but it has been worth it. 

The open wounds became scars that healed and although I still get the occasional twinge.

I can live with that. 

I really can...

This is an excellent and really in-depth video on Complex PTSD.

Sunday, 4 December 2016

My apologies..

You may have noticed that I have not posted on here for a good while.
The reason being, is that I am fully dedicating myself to my other blog

The violence of pornography

I will be posting back on here, but not yet!

Thank you


Friday, 20 May 2016

The art of rape art

After reading about a piece of video art which simulates the act of rape by an
Australian artist - Sophia Hewson. I felt so angry and offended, that I needed to
speak out.
I myself am a survivor of multiple rapes, perpetrated by both strangers and men who were known to me.
I am also an artist who has depicted my own rapes in the medium of paint.

The reasons that I am so incensed are -

1) This simulated 'rape' was a consensual agreement to sex between the artist and a man. Rape is not about sex.

2) This work could never empower me because, this is an artist who is merely being controversial and furthering her art career. She consented to sex with a man and was not raped. So, this in essence is a travesty and an insult to real rape victims and survivors.

3) The artist states " Instead of focusing on the perpetrator, the camera stays on Ms Hewson’s face. The raped woman is nearly always depicted with her face downcast and her eyes averted,”

If you actually took the time to observe that in most cinematic 'Rape scenes' The camera is more often than not, focused on the females clothes being ripped off, close up shots of her breasts, buttocks etc.. and 'Make- up face' rather than the rapists, who is usually fully clothed and in shadow, or his face is barely seen.

4) The artist also states  "To choose to put yourself in this situation, to show (even symbolically) a woman enduring the scene, is conceptually challenging because it threatens our assumption that man’s power is insurmountable. And in the ideology of patriarchy that is the deepest offence possible.”

Firstly, you have not endured rape. You have not endured an absolute fear. You
have not endured a man with a weapon that has penetrated your mind for the rest of your life.
You cannot achieve offence or dismantle male power in the rapist by 'enduring' the rape. Rape is about power, control, hatred, degradation and humiliation over a victim. Be it a woman, man or child. He is doing exactly what he wants to you - as a victim. It matters not what the victims reaction is. He knows that what he's doing - is going to become psychologically and terminally septic.

5) I feel that this work is gratuitous,voyeuristic and highly counter-intuitive. Primarily because there will be many rapists who will be aroused by your 'Play rape' Especially the type of rapists who believe the myth that women secretly enjoy being raped. I also feel that as a victim, I would be incredibly traumatised
by your video. Mainly because I would know that it was a contrived performance and was not manifested from the true pain and trauma of rape.

Therefore, you cannot speak for us, because you were not raped. You had 'sex' with a strange man. You orchestrated your own pretend 'rape' in the name of recognition and controversy.

Here are my depictions of rape, from the mind of a real survivor.

'Shut up and take it'

'Tell me you love it'

'The methodical, no-fuss rape'

Wednesday, 20 April 2016

#When I was...(Hashtag on twitter)

#When I was a baby - my Uncle sexually abused me.
#When I was six -  my mothers boyfriend sexually abused me for two years.
#When I was seven - Older boys would sexually assault me in the communal sheds.
#When I was eight - A disabled older boy would pin me against a wall and sexually assault me.
#When I was eleven - A boy at school, punched me hard in my breast. When I told a teacher, she tutted and said 'boys'
#When I was twelve - A man on the street punched me hard in my developing
breast. I flew down an embankment, couldn't breathe and vomited. He stood
there smiling before he left.
#When I was thirteen - My older brother fondled my breasts.
 #When I was thirteen - The 27 yr old boyfriend of my friends sister pretended he wanted to help dry my washed hair. He was sat in a chair and whilst rubbing my hair with a towel, he forced my face down onto his erect penis.
#When I was thirteen - A 23 yr old man had sex with me whilst I 'Froze' He asked me if I was a virgin. I said that I didn't know. His 18 yr old brother also pinned me down on a bed and forced 15 'Love bites' on my neck before letting me go.
 #When I was fourteen - My friends mom would ask her 17 yr old son to walk me to my home, as she feared for my safety. He would sexually assault me every-time.
#When I was fourteen - My art teacher kept asking me to meet after school. One afternoon he cornered me in the classroom and sexually assaulted me.
#When I was sixteen, I was duped and trafficked by a gang who forced me into pornography and prostitution.
#When I was twenty, I attended a mental health work placement centre. The doctor who saw me there, closed the blinds, lifted my top and bra up and fondled my breasts. Also, my main tutor offered me a lift in his car. He told me that he was 'Lonely' and forced a kiss on my lips.
#When I was twenty two - I went to the doctors about my depression. The doctor put his hand on my thigh and asked if he would like me to have him come see me at my flat.
#I have been sexually harassed throughout the years, in public, on public transport and at work places..Far too many to state on here. 

Thursday, 17 March 2016

Violent pornography normalises and incites sexually motivated murders.

Georgia Williams (17)

Jamie Reynolds was another sexually sadistic serial killer in the making, who was obsessed and excited by extreme, violent pornography. The problem here- Like these similar cases Ted Bundy, Vincent Tabak Maury Travis,  Nathan Matthews,   John Maden (To name but a few)  The initial excitement that fuelled their fantasies via sexually violent pornography - Diminishes to such an extent, that they are left utterly disappointed and are no longer able to perform, reach sexual fulfilment and climax. They have exhausted and exceeded every nasty, sadistic aspect of hurting, degrading, humiliating and killing women via images and videos, that they become both psychologically and sexually flaccid. Because it is their 'Fantasies' that drives the most prominent aspect of their lives, the sexual psychopath cannot exist without feeling power and control and this he can only achieve by eroticising sadistic sexual acts before, during or after killing a female victim. All this cannot just end or go away. It is who they are. It is inherent. So the only option for them, is to take the next step. The next level; In order to feel power, control and sexual arousal again. Unfortunately, that next step is to fantasise, plan and execute a real murder of a real woman.

Georgia Williams murder fulfilled killer's sadistic fantasy

Georgia Williams and Jamie Reynolds

 Sex-Related Homicide and Death Investigation

David Parker Ray
 David Parker Ray Also known as the 'Toy box killer' As a teenager, his sexual fantasies of raping, torturing, and even murdering women developed. Also,around this time, his sister discovered Ray's sadomasochistic drawings, as well as erotic photographs of bondage acts.
Ray sexually tortured and presumably killed his victims in a $100,000 home-made torture chamber he called his "toy box", that he built out of an old mobile home.
The 'Toy box'


 David Parker Ray would play a tape of his demands to his victims who were captured and bound within his 'Toy box' 

Inside the toybox where women were sexually tortured

The tape, labeled "Your Wedding Day," showed Travis tying women up and torturing and raping them. One scene showed him apparently strangling one of his victims to death.

Reynolds was known to the police and health agencies at the age of fourteen for his obsession with violent pornography and snuff movies. His parents had already placed him in the care of a psychiatrist and had taken away his internet, which he had bypassed with his own server.
At the age of seventeen he had already lured a girl to his house in order to strangle, rape and film her in 2008. She fights back and escapes with her life. Reynolds, 17 at the time, was given a final warning over the incident, which the police treated as an assault. Weeks later, images of women he knew with ropes digitally added around their necks were found on his computer by his parents and handed to the police.

Jamie Reynolds

 A doctor then assessed Reynolds as being a significant risk to others on the basis that he seemed to have "progressed from viewing sexually violent pornography to achttp://www.ibtimes.co.uk/georgia-williams-police-sorry-failings-over-violent-porn-obsessed-murderer-making-jamie-1523893ting upon it"

Jamie Reynolds
 By the time he was 22, having amassed 16,800 images and 72 videos of sexual violence, he had progressed to murder.   

In 2013 he lures Georgia Williams to his house. Within the space of half an hour, he hangs her by a rope and rapes her corpse whilst taking images in every room. Reynolds had previously told therapists he found images of strangulation arousing and had experimented with asphyxiation using a plastic bag, a report said. Had Georgia's parents had any inkling of Reynolds' dangerous desires they would never have let their daughter go to his house. But they were completely in the dark.

"Georgia died because the suspect had more rights than the victims."

So, here we are yet again! The agencies involved apologise and states
'Lessons will be learned'

Really?? Will that be after the next victim..Or the one after that..and the one after that... 

Georgia,her sister Scarlett and father Steve

(Trigger warning) This video contains horrific details of a woman's murder and her incredibly distraught family members.

Criminal psychologist- The problem with porn and sex offenders

I have extended this subject matter to a dedicated blog

Tuesday, 24 November 2015

Self Harming is more rewarding through Pornography and prostitution

Me age nineteen- Self sexualisation

During my many years of recovery from child sexual, emotional, physical abuse, rape and sex trafficking. I would read about psychiatric cases, pertaining to child sexual abuse and rape. 

And as I read about adolescents and young women who developed high-risk sexual behaviours, self worthlessness, self sexual denigration. Self hatred, self abuse, harm and self mutilation. I felt such a strong relation and a sense of relief. Because, I had been this. I had done and felt those things. My reaction was one of great elation, because for so many years, I had felt such shame and guilt. I then realised that none of it was my fault. I also believed that I was mentally ill, because I did not recognise my own abuse until I was twenty eight. It had been my normality.
 This was part of my PTSD and everything clicked into place. The pieces of my 'Jigsaw of abuse' had fitted into their places and although I wept and felt enormous pain and trauma, I at least understood myself.

Self abuse may sound like a paradox to many people. Why would a child who has suffered extreme abuse, choose to continue to abuse themselves as adolescents and young adults?

'Bashing an Angel' oil on canvas

I began destroying myself around the age of thirteen. Up until that time, I had been an obedient, yielding, submissive and extremely quiet girl.
I believe that the onset of puberty and hormonal activity contributed to a huge shift in my psyche. I felt a deep anger and a rage that had never surfaced before, something which I could neither recognise or understand.
I hated me.
I hated my body. I was unlovable and I felt used and worthless. I felt that I had been controlled so much by fear, terror and pain that I had no idea who I was.
I knew one thing though; That no-one was going to do whatever they wanted to me and my body ever again.

'You're such a good girl' oil on canvas

I was going to be in control...
So I began drinking heavily, taking drugs, partying and sleeping with many people. Mostly with people who were a lot older than me. I started wearing lot's of make-up and revealing clothes to attract and choose men who I wanted to sleep with. It was confusing though, because although I felt 'Empowered' by choosing who I slept with and enjoyed being held and 'Loved' I would just lie there and freeze, as I had done during my early childhood abuse.
'Embracing death' oil on canvas
 Alongside this surge of constant activity and escapism, I would hurt myself when I was alone.
I would push needles deep into my flesh, cut myself with razor blades or 'Rub out' layers of my weeping skin with my school eraser.
I would read the worst horror stories, true detective magazines, serial killer murders, holocaust experiences. I remember reading in a psychiatry book, many case studies where young women would mutilate their genitalia with irons and hot hair tongs. I read anything where people really suffered, in order to feel their pain and cry. But, no tears came..Nothing. I didn't feel anything, I thought I was a freak, a loony. A heartless monster.
One day I discovered my mothers 'Latest' boyfriends bestiality magazines. I couldn't believe that human beings could do that. It affected me for years. I lost all hope in human nature. It only confirmed to me; Just how vile and depraved they all were. I hated this world and I hated people.

Over the following years, the abuse continued within my family and also outsiders. There would be physical and sexual assaults and rapes. If someone hit me, I would adopt the foetal position and shield my head. If someone screamed obscenities at me, I would accept it without flinching. If someone raped me, I would freeze until it was over.
 I had mastered the art of de-humanisation. I could take it. I was strong and tough. Do your WORST.
Or so I thought...
At sixteen I was trafficked into pornography and prostitution by a gang of men in London.
I thought that I knew evil very well, until they had me.
They showed me utter degradation, humiliation, power and control, with sadistic rapes, beatings, threats with weapons and the epitome of sexual abuse, via forced pornography and prostitution.
I became a fleshed robot. No thoughts, no feelings, no pain. Nothing. A robot that really wanted to die, yet really didn't want to die.
I had succumbed to whatever they wanted me to do or do to me. And I could smile whilst doing it, like an un-dead actress in a real horror movie.
And later on down the line, although I had physically escaped from those sex traffickers, my mind could not.
It was all my fault. Mine totally. I never told anyone, I lied about everything.

My stepfather didn't believe me, he knew something bad had happened. So he dragged me to a police station, in the hopes that they would extract the truth from me. The desk sergeant asked me in the public foyer, which was full of strange people.  I was so terrified, because the man that had rescued me, knew where I lived and had threatened me about telling anyone, especially the police. I quietly told him that 'Nothing had happened'.
The dismayed desk sergeant told me 'Well, you are a stupid little girl for going to London with a strange man then'
He confirmed the belief that it was all my own fault.

Thus began the years of utter desolation.
I had been thrown into a deep, dark well, Had broken every bone in my body. And I knew, that nobody was going to come and help me. No-one.
I sank into a deep depression. I cut off my hair and became skin and bones. I developed weeping eczema all over my body, my clothes stuck to me. I would rub salt and vinegar into the wounds. I constantly scratched deeply into my intense itching skin until one day, I developed septicaemia. The dermatologist told me 'What on earth have you done to yourself, you silly girl'. Medical photographs were taken and I was hospitalised for a month.

'Deterioration' oil on canvas

I continued to take drugs,chain-smoke, drink heavily and party. I got into modelling and put myself into many 'Risky situations' I even contemplated prostituting myself after some photographers tried to persuade me 'Why not sell your body for money, you have sex anyway for free' My whole life, I had been sexualised by men and so I sexualised myself, that was all that I was good for.
I smiled at all the people that I hated. I hated myself and life itself.

I tried to kill myself a few times. The last time, after the attempted overdose. Not one of the hospital staff asked me 'Why?' They just did their job and discharged me.
I didn't want a relationship. I didn't want children. I just had sex with people.
That's all that I had been, that was all that I was good for.
Everyone hurt me, I hurt myself. It was what I wanted. I felt safe.
If any sign of 'Happiness' came my way, I would thwart it, cast it out. For if I accepted happiness, I knew I would suffer more. I was safe with the pain that I knew and I would be 'Lost' without it.
I didn't know that I had been abused until I was twenty eight years old. That's when I had my daughter. She was the catalyst to my own understanding and recovery.

I am a lot older and wiser now and when I see young girls and women displaying certain behaviours. I can easily relate and completely understand where they are coming from and the reasons behind those behaviours.
I relay this knowledge to social workers, who work with young people. The kind of young girls who have been sexually abused and are showing high-risk sexual behaviours are easily groomed by older males, who prey upon their vulnerabilities. We see cases everyday, such as Oxford and Rotherham.
Selling your body for sex becomes meaningless, when you have been used and abused as a growing child. Especially if you can reap rewards such as money, alcohol and drugs, that numb your mind and keep you in a robotic state. These men pretend that they care and are watching out for you. And if everyone in your life, including your parents, have hurt and abused you. They become 'Good' and 'Kind' people through your disturbed and warped perspective. On top of that, if you have always been treated as a worthless human being, then you become that. And being worthless,opens you up to every kind of abuse.
So, what could be a better way than to hurt yourself through pornography/prostitution (Which are the same thing- paid sex)
You get to both 'Continue to self abuse' and 'Gain rewards' Especially when you have been introduced into the 'Life' by those who are 'Looking out for you'

Now, I am not saying that every single person that works in the sex industry, is suffering from PTSD, substance dependant and is self harming. Although much research does point to that.

 What I am saying, is that you should be mindful and aware that many of these young women who appear to 'Enjoy' being facially abused. choked, gang raped. Pounded whilst her head is down a toilet bowl, violently gagged until she vomits and then made to lick it up. Slapped, punched, electrocuted, whipped hard enough to show injuries and bruising. Humiliated and degraded as a worthless piece of shit and a whore that deserves punishment...
May well be. Are likely to be.
Given that high-risk sexual behaviours and self harm are a consequence of child sexual abuse and rape.

Belle Knox
Belle Knox - Duke University Porn Star Who Said “Porn Is Empowering” Reveals Sad Truth about being raped

Skin Diamond tortured at kink.com

Whatever violence is dealt to women in porn, they will enjoy it. As they were shown this and became this as children.

Regan Starr-Filmed sexual assault interview

(Audio) of Regan Starr's sexual assault.. Khan Tusion with Anabolic Video Productions.

Danielle Williams- A porn stars pain
Speaks out about her child sexual abuse, rapes and violent pornography performances.

A vile pornographer degrading women being interviewed.
This is the hate speech of pornographers. They hate women because they were rejected by them or had bad relationships. They make money from humiliating, degrading and abusing women- What a great way for them to get their vengeance. (He reminds me of many paedophiles that call little girls whores, sluts and slags whilst sexually abusing them)

(Trigger warning)

As soon as I began watching this porn performer speak. I immediately related to her robotic state. She has de-humanised herself to such an extent, that she talks about doing the most sexually deplorable and degrading thing, without batting an eyelid. She also describes being choked by a very dangerous sexual sadist (Legal sex offender) I would say. After she is choked into unconsciousness, watch what she does when she comes out of it..She immediately covers her breasts. That is an act of complete vulnerability and humiliation. (All of this is shown on the screen behind her as she talks about her book) In such a stoic and unemotional way, that it made me cry. I know this, I've been there. And to think, so many men demand this violent pornography and actually get off on it..

Oriana Small reads 'Choked out' (Warning graphic content)

Scene from Max Hardcore where he is trying to coerce a young woman to continue his facial abuse of her, after she ran away in distress.

 For other samples and other reasons that young women enter the pornographic industry, please see my other blog post links here-

Wednesday, 19 August 2015

The porn proposition

Although pornography would not be something that would appeal to me personally. I would have no moral objections to the concept of pornography (by which I mean, the filming of sex between consenting adults, and other adults viewing that material). If it was produced in an ethical way. This would of course instantly exclude things such as sex trafficking, forced pornography and revenge or covert pornography. which are already illegal.

 I started working on this several weeks ago, and soon realised that it is quite a task. So I am interested in any input any of you may have. I need to ensure that it leaves no loopholes and is otherwise air tight in ensuring that no exploitation is able to take place, assuming these guidelines were adhered to.  I would like to expand the piece to include the whole sex industry. And I want to make it clear that I feel that if such guidelines could not be met, then the industry should not exist. This piece is largely to outline exactly where my objection with the sex industry lies and is merely a thought experiment into what an ethical sex industry might look like, if such a thing were possible.

I am not going to address the affects on the viewers of pornographic material here, only the affects and protection of those involved in the production.

Time and time again during my research I have found examples of unethical practices within the porn industry that have lead to permanent physical and emotional damage to its performers.

Testimonials from ex-porn actors, contain physical abuses such as choking, slapping, forcible insertions into the throat causing haemorrhaging of the throat and eyes caused by asphyxiation. Rupturing of the vaginal and anal lining caused by insertion of foreign objects and fisting. Bacterial infections caused by transference from the anus to the vagina or mouth. As well as being urinated or defecated upon. Semen and other fluids coming on contact with the eyes causing infections. And sexually transmitted diseases leading to long term damage such as infertility to name a few.

The emotional harm can include feelings of worthlessness and degradation. Self hate and self objectification. Depression, PTSD, substance addiction and even suicide.These are not fringe examples and are in fact some of the most popular types of pornography.

Coercion and manipulation plays a large part in the recruitment of young women into pornography.

 Agents of the porn industry will target young and naive girls, Women who have a history of sexual abuse are often targeted by producers, as they know they will be easy to manipulate.
Advertisements for glamour modelling, or being approached by agents who at the time will focus on money. [2] On university campuses for example, where it is played as a way to cover tuition fees. Many are runaways from broken homes. Who often end up in strip clubs, then are approached by scouts to enter into pornography.

'When you tell a person what they can’t have, they’ll often try to convince you that you’re wrong. This is especially true for the college aged who have recently left the safety of the nest to try their wings out on their own for the first time. When recruiting new porn actresses, I understood this very well and used it to my advantage.' [3]

Ex porn actors say they were often not told the details of what they will be asked to do, until right before they are expected to do it. Where they learn they will be obligated to perform an act they may not be willing to. Aggression is often used to make them conform.

Well, you’re gonna do it or we’re not gonna pay you, we’re going to sue you.’ And now with the Internet they tell the girls, ‘If you don’t do this scene, we’re going to send your porn to your family members, we’re gonna ruin your reputation, you’re never gonna work again' [1] [4]

Testimonies have shown that although a performer may at one time say they they are happy with what they are doing, they often come out later to say that in fact they were not. And for whatever reason they were compelled or coerced to lie.

You sometimes have to lie on the job (or be quiet) in order to “maintain the fantasy” for men or your image.

“Instantly the grilling started. He (Howard Stern) seemed determined to know what had a made a girl like me become a porn star. I told him I loved. Sex. I told him I loved the attention. But it wasn’t enough for him. He kept saying that something didn’t compute. He asked if I had a screwed-up childhood, and I said no. He asked if my parents had been strict, and I said no. He asked if my dad and I still talked, and I said we did. He asked if my mom minded what I was doing, and I said no. I had decided in advance that it was better not to discuss her death on the air. I didn’t think I could handle it.” (Pg. 391)
“But then Howard asked me if I’d ever been molested or abused. It was the one question I wasn’t prepared for.”
‘No’, I told Howard, in answer to his question. I lied like a rug. I wasn’t ready to tell anybody about any of this, (being gang raped, beaten and left for dead), and I certainly wasn’t ready to deal with Howard’s reaction. I didn’t want anyone to think that I was in the business because I was a victim.” (Pgs. 391 and 395) by Jenna Jameson [6]

Although this may not be typical of all producers of pornography. A porn video that has been produced unethically is, by its self indistinguishable from one that has been produced ethically.[34][35]
And I think that profiteers of pornography should adhere to precedents set in other industries.

  1. No active recruitment
    That no employers or representatives from the porn industry actively solicit or attempt to recruit young men or women into the industry.*

*Pornographers should have to demonstrate that they're performers were not coerced into doing anything. And I would consider active recruitment to be nothing less that coercion.

  1. Informed consent
    Employers should be responsible for insuring employees understand fully the nature of the role, and the long term ramifications of it. And are capable of making a reasoned choice about what they are doing.

*by ensuring, for example that they are emotionally mature enough to fully understand the long term ramifications. That they are free from addiction, which may influence their judgement.

They should also be informed of the dangers of certain sex acts such as anal sex.

    They should also be obligated to inform them of their rights under law.

  1. Responsibility for physical and emotional well being
    The employer should be responsible for ensuring that the employee is of suitable emotional well being before they start.*

*by ensuring, for example that they are emotionally mature enough to fully understand the long term ramifications. That they are free from addiction, which may influence their judgement.

    Employers should be responsible for the physical, mental and emotional well being of it's employees.*
*by ensuring that employees undertake a regular physical health test, which should include:
A weekly STD screening.
A physical examination of sexual organs for signs of injuries sustained whilst working. To include an ultra-sound scan in order to detect any signs of infertility due to pelvic inflammatory disease such as chlamydia which can have no symptoms but is a known cause of infertility.

    Employers should be held liable for any physical or emotional effects caused by what they have asked their employees to do.

  1. Right to withdraw
    The right to withdraw from any participation at any point without giving a reason. and at no point should they be physically inhibited from doing so.*

*all contracts should include a 'get out clause', allowing performs to cease activities at any point. And upon doing so, that choice should be accepted, and no effort to coerce the performer into continuing should be allowed to take place. 

References and other links

[4] This former porn star is exposing porn’s secrets

[5] A Chat With Author and Former Pornographer Dave Pounder | Psychology Today:
[6] Jenna Jameson's 25 Good Reasons Why No One Would Ever Want To Become a Porn Star -- (Compiled by AntiPornography.org):

[7] Ex Porn Star Emily Eve Story

[8] Pimpin’ ain’t easy: Creepiest pornstar interview of ALL TIME? | Dangerous Minds:

[9] The Content of Mainstream Pornography:

[10] sex industry stats and research

[11] Study Shows STD Rates Much Higher in Adult Film Performers | Business Wire:

[12] Pornography Statistics 2013 | Covenant Eye  

[13] Young women don't know what they are getting into(video) 

[14] The Cruelty of the Pornographers' Speech:

[15] JORA008 - Impact of Childhood Sexual Abuse on Later Sexual Victimization Among Runaway Youth.pdf:

[16] Shocking footage of a girls porn interview

[17] Shocking Footage of Women Abused on the Porn Set (a California 

[18] 'Porn Stars' and the Sex Industry: Take a Closer Look!

[19] Porn rehab in Bakersfield

[20] there has been a lot of pain involved with doing scenes they didn't want to do"

[21] Recruitment 'Models wanted'

[22] Porn performers have typically grown up in circumstances of parental deprivation, abuse, or both.

[23] Therefore they could literally fuck a girl up for life and she can do nothing about it

[24] Pornography is a form of prostitution(The meese report)

[25] Aggression and Sexual Behavior in Best-Selling Pornography Videos

[26] Growing Up in a Pornified Culture (tedtalk video)

[27] Child Sexual Abuse Links to Later Sexual Exploitation/High-Risk sexual Behavior

[28]  Most Successful Male Porn Star Of All Time Speaks Out On Porn

[29] Jessica's Story: My Life As A Porn Star

[30] Health & Safety in the Adult Film Industry

[31] Ex-Porn star stories

[32]  Skin Diamond Beat by KINK Producer on Her Birthday(warning graphic images)

[33]  Belle Knox has history of cutting herself and child sexual abuse - See more at: https://www.shelleylubben.com/shelleys-blog/porn-star-belle-knox-sex-trafficking-victim-and-child-sexual-abuse 

[34] Japan's porn industry forcing women into sex acts against their will

[35] Human rights report into violation of girls and women in the porn industry

[36] The porn industry is abusive and women telling it like it is

 [37] Nikki Benz, who alleges she was brutally beaten and sexually assaulted while shooting a porn film for Brazzers

 [38]  six women have now publicly accused porn actor James Deen of sexual assault

[39] California votes to reject law forcing porn stars to use condoms

[40] Duke University Porn Star Belle Knox Who Said “Porn Is Empowering" Reveals Sad Truth about being raped

[41] Porn producer arrested over filming of 16-year-old girl

[42]  Cal/OSHA also cited Kink.com for 13 violations of safety laws that exposed workers to blood and other potentially infectious materials.

[43]  Karmen Karma Kicked Drug Habit, Left the Porn Industry

[44]  Bruno Dickemz Another Violent Male Performer Allowed to Flourish in Porn

[45]  Sean Tompkins, is supporting this pornstar who helped pimp underage girls to pedophiles 

[46]  Bree Olson is seeking $100,000 to take care of the cost of three months in treatment to get her off drugs, which she claims took over her life after a stint in the porn industry

[47]  A Los Angeles Porn Industry Agent Tried to Recruit a Minor into Signing Illegal Sex Contract 

[48]  A retired adult film star has warned the growing appetite for ‘abuse’ porn is damaging amateur female performers, who are expected to take part in increasingly extreme scenes.

[49] Investigation regarding Kink.com "The production involved acts considered high-risk for the transmission of HIV"

 [50] Peter Acworth and KINK.com have profited the most from James Deen. They will keep promoting a rapist and selling videos of real rape

[51] The former porn actress and doctor to the industry, Dr Sharon Mitchell, has described some of the results of the type and duration of sex demanded by directors: “I sit there everyday and I sew up anal tears and anal prolapse

[52] Extreme anal the voice of porn performers 

Please note that this is a working blog,I shall be updating periodically.
Thank you for reading...

Written by
Suzzan Blac and Simon Hooper